Thunderous Alchemist
by MsLightningAlchemist
Summary: Clara Graves. The first female State Alchemist. A soldier with two ranks. And an alchemist with a big secret. With a Colonel, Lieutenant Colonel, and Major under her command, she's seen as the biggest offensive force in the military. There's only one problem: her constant napping. Four OCs, major plot twisting due to Anime mixing. T for my paranoia.
1. Introductions

"So, this is Major General Graves' office, huh?"

A short blonde kid, wearing a red coat, was standing in front of a door in the dimly lit hallway.

"It's the second door on the right in the dark hallway, Brother."

The boy in the suit of armor turned to the short kid.

"Well, might as well get this over and done with." The kid opened the door.

Gentle snoring greeted his ears, and four people sitting in the office met his eyes.

"Hey, General." The Major, as his uniform jacket noted him as, turned to the person behind the desk. "You got a visitor." He was a tall, wiry guy with brownish blonde hair and brown eyes.

"This might take a while." The Lieutenant Colonel, so stated his stars and stripes, looked at the kid. "Go ahead and take a seat. Graves' naptime isn't the best time to bug her." He had long black hair and dark, shifty eyes. He was shorter than the Major.

"Of course, her time asleep is usually eighteen hours a day. Maybe more than that." The Major walked over to the papers on the General's desk. He switched them out with the ones he had been working on. "Hey, Graves."

The General grunted. "Too early. Go away ..."

The kid's eyes widened. "Wait, the General's a woman?"

"Yeah, and so am I, her second in command." The last person to introduce herself stood up. "Nice to meet you, I'm Colonel Viola Melton, the Optical Alchemist." She offered her hand to the two. Her hair was pulled back in a frizzy ponytail, and her brown eyes sparked with intelligence.

The kid shook her hand. "Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist."

"I'm his younger brother, Alphonse Elric." The boy in the armor bowed.

"Pleased to meet you two." Viola shook Alphonse's hand.

"I'm Aiden Reyes, the Explosive Alchemist." The Lieutenant Colonel grinned. "Run into any explosives recently?"

"And I'm the one that's the best at keeping Graves asleep!" The Major smirked. "I'm Drew Norton, the Consistency Alchemist."

"I could have sworn it was the Marshmallow Alchemist." Reyes looked at Norton.

"Just because Graves orders me to turn her papers into pillows doesn't mean that I use it only to make things soft!" Norton countered.

"Either you two stop bickering or I'll unleash a can of kick ass on you two and keep you outside for a week." The General sat up, a glare narrowing her indigo blue eyes. "What the hell are you two bickering like a married couple about, anyway?"

"Their titles, as usual." The Colonel shook her head. "Why don't you go ahead and kick them out the window?"

"Nah." Graves noticed the newcomers. "Oh, some new recruits? Good! I needed some more people to do my work. Which one of you two is it?"

"Neither of them, General," Melton explained. "I have an idea that this is merely an introductory visit."

The General yawned. "Aw ... I was hoping for someone new. Then state your business and I might not kick you out with these two."

"I heard you had a clue on the Stone?" Edward asked.

Graves sat up straighter. "Oh? Who gave that to you?"

"The Colonel. Colonel Mustang."

Graves' head fell back to the papers. "Oh, that useless moron." She yawned and closed her eyes, turning her head so her cheek was resting on the paper. "Wake me when you need an answer to the Stone."

"What?!" Edward snapped. "You have a clue about the Stone? Tell us!"

She half-opened an eye. "No."

"Come on! What does it take to get you to tell us everything you know?!" Edward demanded.

"Ask your beloved Colonel and leave me alone to nap." The General half-stretched and fell back asleep to her gentle snoring.

* * *

"Ah, avoided the subject, huh?"

Edward nodded. "And I thought you could be more helpful than Mustang." He was standing next to the Colonel, glancing at the door to the office. He had gotten wind that the General had gone to lunch and come to her office to get some useful information.

The Colonel sat back in her seat, a slight frown on her face. "Sorry, I've got nothing you need to know right now."

"What?" Ed groaned. "I should have added that to a list of things she should tell me ..."

"I wouldn't have given you a straight answer, taboo breaker." Clara came into her office and threw a file on her desk. "'Uses Alchemy without circles by clapping his hands together.' And later on, 'Right arm and left are steel prosthetics.' Being a brilliant alchemist myself, I can put two and two together. You do realize I can report you to the military and have you discharged at any given moment."

Edward gave her a look of utter horror. "No!" he protested. "Not yet! Please, don't-"

Clara just chuckled as she sat down. "You have your secrets, I have my own. So does the Colonel. And the other Colonel."

"Well, you found out my secret; what's yours?" Edward asked, quickly recomposing himself.

Graves yawned. "Aah ... Can't tell you yet. Maybe if you meet the others with an odd tattoo. Let me know and I'd be more than happy to tell you. Now then, I do believe that ... Aw! Next week's worth of papers signed themselves! What am I going to sleep on now?"

"How about a real bed for once, Major General?" Colonel Melton suggested. "It's not going to kill you, you know. It might actually be better for your health, too."

Graves stared at her second in command blankly. "And how long were you planning on withholding this valuable information from me? Maybe I should get a couple couches put in here ..."

Colonel Melton shook her head in disbelief. "Are you really that dumb?"

"No, I just think with sleep as my number-one priority."

Edward stared at the General. How did this lazy woman become the highest-ranking female State Alchemist in history? Not to mention supposedly the strongest. "So, about the Stone ..."

"Can it, Fullmetal." Graves waved a hand. "Unless you have any idea where I could put something like that."

Edward scowled. "Aren't the offices next to yours empty? You could just put something in one of the two and call it good."

"Brilliant!" Graves beamed. "As for the clue, try Liore? I've heard something about their priest. Miracles and all that nonsense. Good luck!" She practically pushed him out the door and shut it behind him.

Edward stared at the door as it closed behind him. _The General's definitely strange ... She's hiding something, I just know it._


	2. East City

"So, what's on the schedule for this week, General?"

Graves half-opened an eye. "What do you mean, Melton?" she grunted. "You know, the usual. Sleep, sleep, and more sleep."

Melton sighed heavily, dropping a stack of papers onto the desk. "How about work, work, and more work? You do know that we're the only thing keeping HQ afloat with all of this, right?"

Graves sighed and sat up. "All right. Fine. I'll limit my sleep time to a whole seventeen hours."

As she reached for the top of the stack, the phone rang. With a grumble, the General picked it up. "Graves office, Graves speaking. Make it fast, or else."

"Clara! Good to know you're still a grumpy old lady with a nap problem!"

Graves groaned and leaned back in her chair. "What the hell do you want, Lt. Col.? You know I won't help that lazy Colonel."

"Not that today, Clara."

"Would you at least address me as Graves or General, Hughes?"

"No! We're friends, right?"

Graves grumbled something that sounded like 'more like acquaintances'. "That's not important, Hughes. What the hell do you want? I said make it fast, remember?"

"It's about the Sewing-Life Alchemist."

Graves straightened up and sat properly in her chair. "I'm listening."

"He's dead. By Scar."

Graves stood up. "This is from East City, right?"

"Yes."

"My team and I will be there when the next train from Central arrives."

"Wait, General-!"

The line went dead as the General hung up. "Be ready in ten. East City awaits us."

* * *

By the time they got there, the street was torn up and the sun had come out.

"Oh well, maybe next time." Graves sighed and popped her neck. "But at least we know a few more things: he's using alchemy."

"General?" Melton asked.

Graves held up a fragment of metal. "Automail. Which means your favorite brothers were here, Melton."

"That's nothing less than what I'd expect from our fearless leader!" Norton sighed. "Making jokes and slacking off. Weren't we supposed to go after Scar? Then why don't you just reconstruct the road and follow him?"

Graves threw the fragment at Norton. "Don't suggest the impossible, Norton. We need to know which way he went, first. And even then we stand no chance against him because he's probably far ahead of us by now." She pointed in the direction of East HQ. "For now, we get more intel on this killer. Then we'll go from there."

"I told you she's not going to go after Scar immediately. Graves isn't a Major General for her Alchemy skill alone, Drew!" Reyes laughed.

Drew sighed. "I know, but ..."

"But nothing. She didn't come out here just to slack off on her work. She knows she needs more information about Scar if we're going to go after him." Melton sighed, shaking her head. "Put more trust in her. She didn't save your worthless asses because she felt like it, you know."

"Save us? From what?" Drew asked.

Melton rolled her eyes. "The reason you two are in her unit and not someone else's is because she knows that you have more use out on the field than inside signing papers."

Drew and Reyes shared a shocked expression. "What? You mean ..."

"She was there ..."

"On both of our exam days?!"

Graves cleared her throat. "Are you three done? We need to get to HQ now, before we lose our witnesses."

"Yes, sir!" The trio saluted their commanding officer.

* * *

Graves was standing in the doorway to the office, staring at the scene before her. Alphonse was closest to her, next to his older brother, Edward. Mustang's team was behind the two, along with Armstrong and Hughes. Behind the desk at the farthest point from the door was the Colonel himself.

All of the soldiers were ramrod straight with salutes.

"If I wanted a salute, do you think I would have just barged on in like this? At ease." Graves made a face. "Now then, who has more information about this Scar fellow?"

Armstrong spoke up first. "He's an Ishbalan."

Graves nodded slowly. "Okay, that makes sense as to why he's going after State Alchemists, but what of his use of alchemy?"

Hughes looked surprised. "And how did you know that?"

Graves held up the metal fragment she had thrown at Drew. "I'm not your average alchemist, you know. I can tell that this was blown apart using alchemy that had stopped at the second stage: deconstruction. I can also tell that this piece was once auto-mail that had been crafted for someone who's low to the ground for speed and accuracy, not power. Of course, this means that I'm referring to the Fullmetal Alchemist."

Edward was staring at her. "The first person not to make fun of my height ..."

"Did you expect me to be rude and mean like your commanding officer? Tch, I may be insensitive at times, but I'm not mean to kids." Graves gave Mustang a glare. "And that's probably one of the reasons I was promoted to General, not Colonel."

"False!" Hughes countered. "When the war ended, you were a Colonel already! You were promoted twice for service to the State, that's how you got your rank."

Graves nodded slowly. "That sounds about right. What was the first one again? Taking down some corrupt family that was running inhumane experiments on people? Or was it for catching the killer that had slain my parents among other important people? I can't remember."

"The latter, General." Melton sighed and shook her head. "And you and I both know the true story behind that."

"Yes! That's for another time!" Graves grinned. "Now that we have all the information we need, I suggest we go back to Central and figure out a way to lure out this guy so we can catch him. The sooner we get him, the sooner I can start napping again."

Havoc leaned over to Breda. "Does she ever do anything but nap?"

"Actually, she does occasionally read. And plot ways to get revenge against her nonexistent enemies." Reyes sighed. "And somehow manages to finish a weeks worth of papers in two hours."

"In her sleep, no less!" Norton groaned.

Graves cleared her throat. "You two _do_ realize that I'm still here, right? Either you two stay here and gossip like little old ladies or get your asses moving to the scene. Melton, I want a status report on the way there." With that said, she turned and left as abruptly as she came.

Reyes and Norton quickly followed suit, the door closing behind them.

Edward looked after them, bewildered. "What was that all about?"

* * *

"A week. One. Damn. Week."

Graves and her team were seated in one of the train booths. The women were on one side, the men on the other. The window to the outside world was to the women's left.

The General was scowling at the landscape. "And we still have no leads on this Scar fellow. Remind me, when we get back, to spend the next two days catching up on the sleep I missed."

Melton smacked her superior on the head. "What the Hell are you talking about, General?! You promised all of us that you weren't going to sleep more than fifteen hours until Scar was caught!"

"And that you'd buy us drinks when he was!" Reyes protested.

"And invite Hughes, Armstrong, and Mustang, too!" Norton added.

Graves smirked. "You really thought I was serious? Me? Drinking? With you guys and those idiots?" She burst out laughing. "I was kidding!"

Melton sighed and shook her head in disbelief. "I'm going to hold you to that drinking thing, though. I'd like to see you and the Colonel drunk together. I bet it'll be more than entertaining."

"Whaaaaaaaat?" Graves asked. "That guy looks like he'd get more than intoxicated with a sip of wine! There's no way that he could hold his liquor! Besides, you all know it wouldn't be fair."

Reyes grinned. "Actually, I'd like to see this happening. How about next week? Like next Tuesday or Wednesday, after your shift, General? Norton and I will provide the Colonels' transportation up here."

"With all due respect, Reyes, you still owe me for the last bet that the General wouldn't catch Scar. And with that, you're broke." Norton grinned evilly. "Now pay up, Lieutenant Colonel."

"Whaaaaaat?" Reyes groaned. "I can't pay you and live for the next two weeks! How about the next time we get paid?"

Graves cleared her throat, getting the attention of her subordinates. "A-_hem_. You two do realize we're still on the train in a car full of passengers, right? And you two are bickering like a married couple once again."

"B-but-!"

"I'll personally pay his debt out of my own pocket, Norton. As for that so-called drinking contest-" Graves was cut off by Melton.

"I'll make sure that it happens." Melton grinned.


	3. The Hangover

A/N: I actually got the inspiration for some of this chapter from the Tequila Story. Go youtube Drunk Travis story. It's too funny!

And now, without further distraction, Thunderous Alchemist!

* * *

"You're saying that you dragged me here just so your subordinates could place bets on who would be drunk first?"

Graves snickered. "Well, having no new leads on Scar or paperwork to do, my office tends to get fairly ... boring. So to pass the time, they make those stupid little bets while I pursue ... other things."

"You mean sleep." Hughes came up between the two.

"Exactly. It's good for your mental well-being, you know. Enough sleep at night and you'll be ready to go in the morning. Or so Melton says." Graves nodded and crossed her arms.

"And why are you wearing a shawl like that?" Melton raised an eyebrow with a knowing smirk.

"Because all my dresses with sleeves mysteriously vanished, _Colonel_. And I know who's behind the whole thing, _Colonel_." Graves shot a glare at Melton.

Melton shrugged innocently. "I have no idea where they went, Graves. I've told you that six times now. But I have to say, it's nice to see you finally wear something less ... warm-looking. You'd probably be sweating up a storm by now!" She made a face. "But why the shawl? You look like a grandma!"

Graves scowled and threw the thin cloth to the side of the street. "Better, Vi?"

Melton scowled at the name. "I told you not to call me that, Clars."

"Eye Freak."

"Lazy Ass."

"Illusionist."

"Thunder Snore"

"Busybody."

"Napper."

"Slave driver."

Hughes cleared his throat. "You two do realize we're here, right?"

Graves straightened up, ignoring the death glare from Melton. "Great! I can't wait to kick Mustang's ass."

Mustang chuckled a few times. "Puh-lease. You've got this shapely figure, that woman-esque charm. There's no way you can handle your liquor."

"Excuse me?" Graves raised an eyebrow. "I beg to differ, _horse_."

Hughes grinned as Melton groaned, "Here we go again ..."

"If you're so confidant, then why don't we settle this the normal way? By actually having this battle instead of trying to one-up the other?" Graves smirked evilly. The tattoo on her right shoulder flashed in the dim light as the soldiers walked into the bar.

"Then I'll have two for every one of yours!" Mustang countered.

Graves snickered, which soon turned into laughter. "You're on! Don't blame me for your hangover tomorrow, Mustang!"

The night went on. As did the drinks.

After the fifth one for Graves, she started taunting the poor Colonel. "Regretting this, yet, horse?"

The reply was a glare and a grunt. "No."

"Another round!" Graves declared.

Hughes and Melton shared a worried look. Not for the General, but for the drunk Colonel.

"I thought I warned you, Graves isn't what you'd call a 'normal woman'." Melton sighed as the next round arrived.

Hughes nodded. "You've told me too many times. Should we call this off yet? I'm more worried about Roy and the massive hangover he's going to have."

Melton nodded in agreement. "All right, Graves. That's enough. Mustang's clearly learned not to underestimate you."

Graves glanced at Melton before heaving a heavy sigh. "You're right ... But he's still conscious!"

"General ..." Melton warned.

"Fine, fiiiiiine ... I'll let him off the hook. But next time he's dead!" Graves stood up.

* * *

"Oh, the Colonel called in?"

_"Yes, and he said he had a hangover._"

Melton glanced at the empty chair where Graves always sat. "A hangover, huh? That's funny, that's what Graves said, too."

_"Really? I thought you were just taking him out for a drink, nothing too serious. At least, that's what Major Norton and Lieutenant Colonel Reyes explained to me."_

"And you believed them? Who told you that, Reyes?"

_"Yes._"

Melton laughed, glancing at the two men who were frantically going through paperwork. "Figures. He's always got his head somewhere else. I'm sure he probably commented on something as he left, right? Always the short attention span." She shook her head with a sigh. "Unless it comes to explosives. You do know that Graves calls him Kimblee, right?"

"I'M NOT KIMBLEE!" Reyes protested.

There was laughter on the other line before Hawkeye continued, "_I didn't. Well, I need to do before these three start slacking off again. Good luck with the hungover alchemists._" There was a click and the line went dead.

"Well, should we go pay them a visit?" Melton asked. "More like Graves, but-"

"_Yes!_"

Approximately an hour later ...

"Ah, yes. The supposedly empty Graves estate." Norton nodded slowly. "Ever since the house allegedly caught fire, it's been abandoned by our fearless leader."

Melton shook her head with a roll of her eyes. "You know that's not true, Drew."

"But Violaaaa!" Drew whined.

"No buts. You know that it's still standing to this day. I've just cleverly disguised it with my alchemy."

"Enough of the talk! Let's go bug the General!" Reyes pointed to the empty lot. "Can we? Pleeease?"

Viola groaned. "Fine! If it'll get you two to just shut up!" She took a step forward and the mansion came into view, looking as if nothing had happened to it.

There was a faint movement from one of the curtains on the third floor, but nothing happened afterwards. Then the front doors creaked open.

"Cooolllooonnneeeelllllluuuuhhh!"

Viola was knocked over by a streak of lilac, brown, and black.

"Finally! I was about to die from boredom from the lack of anything to do around here!" Graves was gesturing to the large estate. "I mean, I've already dusted most of the things that I've touched in the past week, and-"

"And you've still got most of the estate to clean, General."

Graves chuckled and rolled her eyes with a mock pout. "You know I can't hire anyone to help. Or ask. Too much to do. Besides, we still have Scar to go out and catch, so most of it will go to waste, anyway." She shrugged indifferently. "Maybe when this is all over, I really will set it ablaze and move somewhere else."

"And what about your exclusive collection, Clara?"

Clara smacked Drew upside the head. "I know that most of the books in the library are rare and one-of-a-kind. That's why I'm planning on selling them for more money. Or maybe I could sell my estate and the books. Then I'd never have to worry about money for the rest of my life. Hell, even my kids could have a good living because of that!" Her face fell. "Oh, right. There's always the big problem: Finding some guy who can put up with my crazy antics and stay mostly sane."

"You could become the rich cat lady." Reyes suggested.

"Hell no!" Clara snorted. "You know I'm allergic to cats, Aiden. Don't you remember what happened when Alphonse let me hold one of the cats he had? My neck had scratch marks on it for a week and they itched for two days straight!"

"That's because you held it up and threatened to flay it alive, Clara." Drew sighed.

Clara turned and headed back towards the estate. "That was after the fact. If you'll excuse me, I do have something I need to do. If you want to follow, go ahead. Just be quiet, unless you want to die bursting into flames."

Viola grinned. "I knew it. You know you can't keep anything from me."

Clara chuckled as she opened the door. "Yeah. I know." She walked into the foyer. "Eh, kitchen's up ahead, first door on the right. If you're hungry, that is." She glanced ad Aiden and Drew.

They ran into the kitchen.

"Well, any luck yet, Colonel?"

Viola shook her head. "Nothing yet. I don't have a good eye on East City's sewer system yet. And unless my information is correct, there's been an explosion on the Mauro River."

"What?!"

Clara glanced up the stairs to her left. "Oh, finally got over the worst of that hangover, Colonel? About time. Oh, I forgot to ask earlier, did you ever find your wallet?"


	4. Lab 5

"The Brothers are in town?"

"That's right, Graves."

Clara sighed and leaned back in her chair. "That's nice. How long have they been here and what are they doing?"

"Staying cooped up in the library reading some code." Viola reported.

"That's nice. Wake me up when something important happens."

As if on cue, the phone rang.

With a hefty sigh, Clara picked it up. "Graves' office." A pause. "What do you want, Hughes?" Another pause, longer than the first. "Yes, I am aware of that. Melton just informed me." A short pause. "That's nice, Hughes." A long pause. Long enough that the General started to doze off. She jolted awake. "Hm? Yes, I'm listening." Another short pause. "Let me know if they find anything, Hughes." She hung up, rubbing her temples.

"That good, huh?" Viola asked.

Clara grunted and stood up. "If you need me, I'm taking my nap."

"General, you promised half as many naps, and half the time spent asleep, until we caught Scar." Viola barely glanced at her superior.

Clara groaned and sat back down. "Then what do you want me to do, Commander?" she scoffed.

"It would be a good idea to offer help to the Brothers, General."

"Nope. They can figure everything out on their own. They're smart boys."

"Did you say that Edward Elric, the short-tempered Fullmetal Alchemist, is smart?"

"When he's not getting angry about the lack of height he was given, yes. Besides, able to do Human Transmutation ... Even I couldn't do it at ... how old was I when the war ended?"

"Twenty four, sir."

"Yes, twenty four. And I joined the military four years before that ... No wonder my parents disowned me. I was a complete idiot back then."

"You still are."

"And you're how many years younger than me?"

"I'm a year older than you, sir."

"Huh. Didn't know that."

"Are you going to continue on with this mindless nonsense or actually do something about this paperwork and lack thereof?"

Clara shook her head, a grin on her face. "Nope. Not a single strand of hair lifted to do anything about that."

"General, I think you're going to find this interesting." Drew gave the General a piece of paper.

"A mysteriously large amount of money withdrawn, huh? That should go to Mustang, at the very least. Why are you showing me this?" Clara yawned.

Viola sighed. "General, that's because there's only one reason why: They found a strong clue about the Stone."

"I told you: Not my department or problem." Clara put her head on the desk. "Now, I do believe I need a little more sleep."

"Tickle torture?" Aiden asked excitedly.

Viola nodded. "Tickle Torture."

Clara bolted up. "On second thought, I do believe I should go pay them a visit!" With that, she nearly ran out the door.

* * *

"I know I told them I was going to pay them a visit, but _he's_ there. And I know things between us aren't the best right now ... Man, why did they have to go and try to have an arranged marriage? It's not like I can't choose the right guy for myself!"

Clara was leaning against the back of the hotel the Brothers were at. "Ugh ... Parents of rich families are annoying. Especially when-"

A long strip of cloth fluttered down next to her. "On second thought, better hide."

She slid around the corner and peeked out. "Oh, good. So they're going out. Maybe now I can stop-"

"To Lab 5!" Edward hissed to his brother.

Clara's face fell as she continued, "not worrying about them and make sure they live. Maybe I should alert the MPs ..."

She grinned to herself. "Or I could let them figure everything out themselves and let the boys have some fun. But I should follow, just in case they need their asses saved."

**Always playing the hero, aren't you?**

Clara laughed. "Good one, Vi. But no. After all, they want them alive. Particularly Fullmetal. See ya!" She ran after the boys.

Taking the hidden passage through the sewers, the General slowed down as she neared the Lab. I should have stayed in my office. Then I could at least have fallen asleep there ...She sighed as the thought crossed her mind.

The State Alchemist stood there, weighing her options. She could either go up and warn the brothers of the armor guards, or she could watch the fight.

_Watch the fight. If it looks like something bad will happen, just let me take over and I'll stop the whole thing. Easy as breathing._

Clara groaned, stopping in the tunnel. You know I refuse to let you do that. I thought killing thousands of innocent people would get you to shut up.

"Sir!"

Clara looked up at the two soldiers. "At ease. I'm just passing by." She waved a dismissive hand, the other covering a yawn. "What are you two doing out here?"

"Going after the Fullmetal Alchemist, sir!"

"That's ni- ... Wait. The Fullmetal Alchemist? As in the runt with his armored brother Fullmetal Alchemist?" Clara blinked a few times, acting as if she were figuring it out. "All right. Fine. I'll go with you and provide ... ah, alchemical support. Yes. Alchemical support." With this, she let out a cackle of a laugh and raced toward the building.

Ross and Brosh shared worried glances. "Did she just do what I think she did?" Brosh asked.

"It's best not to ask questions about the General." Ross sighed and followed the Thunderous Alchemist.

What greeted them was a sight neither of them expected. Not only was the General mysteriously missing, Alphonse was trying to hold his own against another guy, who happened to act a lot like-

Ross fired her gun, suprising the clever-wielding armor.

"Ooooh! Good aim there, Ross!" Graves' head came out from behind the doorway. "I'll go see if I can't find the poor kid. See ya!"

* * *

A/N: I'm so sorry for not updating! Well, I kinda am and kinda not. I haven't gotten a review in a while, which leads me to think that nobody likes my story ... Which makes me depressed ... and go to work on another story ...

So please, review! Or pm me! Or something! Puh-lease! T~T

(Part of why I didn't update sooner was because I rewrote half of it because it didn't go like I wanted it to, and I had to replace the hard drive on my laptop, and typing on a Wii U isn't as easy as a laptop ... And then I forgot to post it until three weeks after I completed it ...)


	5. Melton Down

Things weren't going well for Clara the following day.

Not only was she cranky because she had been dragged from her office by Major Armstrong, she had already missed most of her morning nap. And on top of all that, she was stuck with an injured teenage alchemist with an attitude about his height.

"Hughes, I'm about as happy as a starving dog with food being waved in front of its nose. Let's make this quick." Clara crossed her arms, leaning against the wall.

"You're one to talk. You're in league with the two in Lab five, aren't you?" Ed shot the General a glare.

Clara rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Not really, no. I'm more of a person that doesn't really obey people telling and forcing me to do what they want. So I leave them alone, they leave me alone. Most of the time."

"So you're one of them, but you don't do anything?" Hughes asked.

"Yup, that pretty much sums it up. Can I go and attempt to salvage the rest of my nap now?" Clara covered her mouth as she yawned.

Edward grumbled something under his breath. "You're one of them, but you claim not to be ... What are your true motives?"

Clara blinked slowly. "Huh? True motives? All I want to do is take a nap and get out of here. Or was it vice versa?" She straigtened up and frowned. "Huh. As for my true motives: I do what I want and stay out of their plans, they leave me alone and don't try to do anything funny with me."

"Okay then." Hughes' eyes widened in surprise as a hollow growling noise filled the room. "What was that?"

"Did I forget to mention that I haven't had anything to eat since last night? I normally have breakfast at HQ, but _someone_ had to drag me out of my office as I was heading to the mess hall." Clara shot a pointed look at Major Armstrong. "And why did it have to be you, Alex? Was it because you're the only one I won't actually harm? Or is it something else?"

Major Armstrong didn't say anything.

With a scowl, the General turned and stormed out of the room. She joined Alphonse in the hallway, glaring at the tile like it had offended her somehow.

"Why are you here?" Alphonse asked.

"Because I'm pissed off again. And I figured I might as well try to calm myself before I go on a bloody rampage." Clara's hand curled into fists. "And this isn't helping."

"I spar with Ed all the time, and he's never won against me." Alphonse didn't look at the General.

Clara nodded slowly, straightening up. "You're right ... Hey, would you mind sparring with me up on the roof? It'd be a great way for me to get rid of all this anger inside."

Alphonse didn't move.

"Eesh. Did Barry the Chopper say something to you that rattled you up so badly? Whatever he said isn't accurate. He tried to throw me off when I first encountered him."

"Really? What did he tell you?"

Clara's jaw clenched, and a muscle started to twitch in her eye. "He called me a human doll and a soul-less dog of the military." Without warning, her fist flew at Alphonse, knocking his helmet to the ground. "That bastard called me a human doll! I called him a walking shell! And look where he wound up! A literal walking shell!" She started laughing like an insane person.

Alphonese stood up, picked up his head, and slowly backed away from the State Alchemist. "I think she needs more sleep ..." he mumbled.

* * *

"So, how'd everything go?"

Clara grunted, not moving her head. She was currently sitting with her arms cushioning her head on her desk, clearly trying to sleep.

"Clara ..." Viola warned. "Do we have to tickle you?"

"It went fine. I got pissed off because I missed my morning nap, so I came back here and you know the rest." Clara huffed, her eyes narrowed into a glare at the wall. "Happy now? You got your answer, now let me sleep."

Someone poked her shoulder.

"What is it now?!" Clara sat up, scattering the pens on her desk.

Drew pointed to the door. "You can always use the office next to us to take a nap, General. You're the one that turned it into one of your nap rooms, remember?"

Clara scowled at the Major, knowing he was right. "Fine. And don't wake me unless it's something urgent." She stood up and made her way to the door. "By urgent, I mean life or death." She closed the door behind her.

Once in the next room, the General took off her jacket and dropped it on the ground. "I need more than a day's worth of sleep ..." She fell face-first onto the sofa. "And I doubt I'll ever get a break from this monster, either ..." Her voice was muffled by the pillow.

_Hey! I'm not a monster!_

"Welcome back, Deceit ..." Clara groaned, rolling over onto her back. She put an arm over her eyes. "What do you want?"

_Oh, nothing much. Just another chance to take control and kick Wrath's ass into next week._

"You know how well that turned out. I was stuck in our mind for a week while you pretended to be me. And took the week off work! You're lucky I somehow managed to make an excuse for that stunt you tried to pull!"

Deceit laughed, the sound echoing in Clara's ears. _You're still upset over that? And I thought Greed had issues letting things go!_

"Speaking of ... wasn't he in Dublith or something? Shouldn't you go and talk to him, at the very least? So Father doesn't get pissed off at you again for neglecting your duties?"

_You're right. And you know how Dante can get all upset when that happens. I think she's worse than Father._

"Damn right about that ..."

_So, how are you planning on getting to Dublith? Growing a pair of wings? That would be fun._

"Train. Simple as that."

_With you, nothing is simple._

"Speaking of simple, what's your plan to bring down Greed?"

_I'm merely going to waltz in and kick his ass. We are a strong pair, you know._

"How could I forget? You wiped out five sectors in one night during the Rebellion-Massacre."

_And that was just half of what I could do. You know they're still alive, right? It's all there, in the stone!_

"Yes, I know. Why don't you just move along and let me sleep now? If anyone were to walk in and hear me talking to myself ..."

_Fine, fine. Just remember: book the next train to Dublith, or I'll control you next time you take a nap!_

* * *

Viola had been trying to keep tabs on Number 48. Well, more like Barry the suit of Armor come back to take revenge on the city. However, tonight she was too busy keeping an eye on her superior, who had commanded her to not only keep an eye out for danger, but to look after the Elrics. Not only did she not have time to check up on Barry, she wasn't focused at all as she walked home.

Which made her realize the grave situation she was in when something dug into her shoulder, sudden and sharp.

She whipped around, her eyes widening.

"Hello!" The voice echoed slightly. "Did you miss me, Colonel Viola Melton? I sure missed you! I thought of all the ways I was going to slice you up!" He swung his clever, turning to the copy that had appeared behind him.

Viola gasped as the blade dug into her side, realizing that she would need a miracle to get out of this situation. She had walked into a dark alley, something she never did, near the supposedly burnt Graves Estate. And her superior was fast asleep on a train.

And her Illusions didn't work when she was badly injured like this.

"Dammit!" she hissed, staggering back. Her back met the metal fence, her eyes wide with fear. How could she have been so careless?

"Hey, Gravesie!" Barry called. "Why don't you come out? I know you're hiding there!"

Viola grinned. "You're such a stupid moron, Barry. Now, General!"

Barry whipped around, staring at the General. She was popping her knuckles. "And what were you doing to my subordinate?" she asked coldly.

Viola darted to the side, running toward the gates. If she could just get into her superior's estate, she'd be fine ...

"Hey! I wasn't done with you yet!" Barry called. "Your illusion was weak! Just vanished! Poof!"

Viola glanced back, instantly regretting the movement.

Barry raised his clever ...


	6. Birthdays Are Now Banned

The train ride was about as uneventful as watching the landscape slowly change.

But the station she arrived in had quite a few more MP than usual. As if that wasn't bad enough, they seemed to be looking for someone. She sighed, grabbed her bag, and made her way to the exit.

"Oh! You're General Graves, aren't you?"

Clara glanced at the officer. "And if I am?" she asked.

He lowered his voice and leaned in closer. "You're wanted back in Central immediately. It's about Barry the Chopper, and Colonel Melton."

Clara let out a heavy sigh. "Great, another long and boring train ride. Thanks for letting me know." She turned to the ticket booth, looking at the trains leaving for Central. Turns out there was one leaving in a couple minutes: that would make her wait less and get her back to Central.

* * *

As soon as she stepped off the train in Central Station, she was picked up in a bone-crushing hug.

"Oh, Graves! I never thought Colonel Melton would be bested so easily! If you need anything, do not hesitate to come to me! I will assist you with the aid that's been passed the Armstrong Line for Generations!"

"Major ... Can't ... breathe ..." Clara whimpered.

As if that's all he needed, he dropped her.

She inhaled sharply, letting it out in a controlled sigh. "You just had to do that, didn't you? And what do you mean, Melton's been bested? I want a full report to HQ."

"It would probably be best if you went to your estate, General. That's where it happened." Armstrong saluted the woman he was standing in front of.

Clara shrugged, shaking her head. "Fine. Dismissed, Major." She walked off towards the place she had once called home.

When she got there, she noticed two things: The blocked off crime scene near the gate and the fact her property was, once again, visible to the eye. She walked up to the officer standing there, as calm as the air before a thunderstorm. "What happened here?" she asked.

The officer saluted his superior. "Sir! Colonel Melton engaged in combat with Barry the Chopper, a criminal thought to have been executed three years ago!"

Clara nodded slowly. "I take she was bested in combat, then." At the officer's nod, she frowned and closed her eyes. If she was defeated like this, something must have been on her mind ... No, that couldn't have been it. Then who was- ... Oh. _Oh._

"Uh, Sir?" the officer asked.

Clara opened her eyes. "Thank you." She turned and walked past the gates, towards the mansion resting in the center. The mansion had been cared for in her free time, which was surprisingly quite a bit of time. Sine all she did was chase after mass murders and serial killers in Central ...

"SON OF A STUPID PIPSQUEAK! I TOLD HER NOT TO LOOK AFTER ME! BUT NOOOO! SHE JUST HAD TO-"

_You _do_ realize you're shouting in the foyer, with soldiers around that can probably hear every word, right?_

Shut up, Deceit. I don't need a lecture on manners from a Homunculus.

_Hey! I'm not jut a Homunculus. I'm _the_ Deceit, the master of lies! You should be cowering in fear from me!_

Yeah, you let me know how that works out.

_You mean you're not going to stick around and watch me terrorize the whole country?_

Why would I? It's not as if I'm the one with the General rank.

_Riiiiight. I forgot, you're the lower one! Man, it's awesome being me!_

Not really. You're the one with relationship issues. You're severely lacking in one emotion that people need to survive.

_And what would that be?_

I'm not saying. Now go back to your corner and plot to take over the world in your own space!

* * *

"So, how was the funeral?"

Clara shuffled to her desk and flopped into her chair. "Wake me up if anything abnormal happens. And I don't mean anything regarding Melton or our team, either."

"I heard your eyes changed color, General. Do they do that when you're suffering another emotion attack?" Aiden pressed.

"Shut up, Reyes. That's an order and you're not allowed to ask any further questions, unless you want a court-martial." Clara put her head on her desk with a moan.

As if to make sure the young General wouldn't get a wink of sleep, the phone started to ring.

"What the hell do you want?" Clara spat into the receiver as she picked it up.

"_Yo, Clara! I thought you'd be down after yesterday. But I didn't think you'd actually be working like that! I know exac-"_

Clara hung up. The phone rang again.

"Hughes. Stop calling me."

_"I was just going to suggest you go downstairs. You do know what day it is, right?"_

Clara grunted. "The day after Melton was buried six feet underground. Now shut up and let me sleep." She made to hang the phone back up.

_"WAIT JUST ONE SECOND, GENERAL!"_

Clara paused. "I'm listening."

_"Just to the mess hall. That's all I'm asking you to do. You don't have to do anything else. Unless you want me to send in the Major after you. Reyes, Norton, make sure she goes down there."_

The line went dead.

"Well, sir?" Drew asked. "Are you going to do what Lt. Col. Hughes told you to do?"

With a heavy sigh, Clara stood up. "Might as well get this over with."

Drew and Aiden took flanked her as she stopped in the hallway. "Although ... I never said I would." She clapped and slammed her palms onto the chests of her subordinates. "Catch me if you can!" She dashed down the hallway as the two fell to the floor.

"Dammit! Didn't you see that coming?!" Aiden groaned.

"Of course not! She seemed exactly like she was going to come along!" Drew countered. "Damn! When they figure out what happened ..."

"Don't you know how the General's Alchemy works?" Aiden asked suddenly. "It doesn't last for too long. From what I understand, all she does is redirect the energy to something to somewhere else for ten minutes at most."

"Riiight. So we just have to lay here until then, huh? So ... where did she redirect it this time?" Drew asked.

"How should I know?! I just want to blow something up!" If he could, Aiden would have probably thrown his hands in the air.

* * *

"I should have known you'd be here."

The light into the room from the open door was blocked by a figure.

"You know, there are better places to spend your birthday than sulking in a dark room."

There was no reply.

"Major General-General Clara Graves, I order you to at least go downstairs. Not as a subordinate officer, but as a concerned friend."

The mass of blue shifted slightly. "And if I don't? What are you going to do? Show me pictures of Elysia?" the woman grumbled.

Hughes reached into his jacket pocket. "Of course!" He shoved the photo in her face. "Look! Isn't she adorable? She's wearing Mommy's hat!" When that didn't get a response, he sighed, "Do I have resort to Plan P?"

Clara grunted, "Maybe."

"Oh, Roy!" Maes sang. "The General is waiting for you!"

One of the General's indigo eyes opened. As the figure of a certain Colonel came into view, she sat up. "Oh no. Hell no. I'll come willingly. No alchemy. Promise!" Her eyes, slightly puffy, were wide with fear.

"See? I told you it'd work!" Maes crowed, grabbing the woman's hand and dragging her out of the dark office and down the hall. "And about your subordinates ..."

Clara scowled to the wall. "Damn. You found them, didn't you?"

"Huh?" Maes looked utterly confused. "I was just going to ask where they were."

Clara got an evilly innocent look on her face. "Oh, they're having some alone time ..."

(Meanwhile, in the supply closet across Graves' office ...)

"How did we get into this position again?" Aiden grumbled.

"You called the General a mindless puppet. Or a doll. Whichever pisses her off most." Drew sighed.

"I have to say, being back to back isn't the most fun position ..."

"Says the guy with his elbow digging into my spine! How would you like it if I had something hard next to one of your nerves?!"

(Back to the kidnapping of the General)

Maes and Roy looked appaled. "You did ... WHAT?!"

"Sent them to the supply closet. Nothing too serious. Besides, it's not as if-"

Whatever she was going to say was cut off by a loud, floor-quaking explosion.

"Whoops ... I forgot. Kimblee's an explosives expert. And that closet did have some chemicals that shouldn't probably be mixed ..." Clara trailed off with a devilish grin.

Roy and Maes shared a worried glance. "Wait ... Kimblee?"

"You know ... the Explosive Alchemist under my watch."

The two visibly relaxed. "You mean Reyes, Clara." Maes shook his head.

"Nope. Never heard of him. He's Kimblee, all right. Got that insane 'I-wanna-blow-you-up' look in his eyes. Seriously. Next time you see him, you'll see it." Clara grinned.

With a sigh, Hughes grabbed one of her hands while Mustang grabbed the other. "Come on, Birthday General, there are a few people waiting for you."

* * *

Down at the Mess Hall ...

"Jeez, would you stop scowling, General? You're making me uncomfortable." Drew shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm not scowling. I'm surrounded by Testosterone," Clara muttered.

"Come on. You can't be upset on your birthday!" Aiden grinned.

Clara shot him a glare. "I'm twenty."

Hughes chuckled. "Not really. According to your file, you were born in 1887, and since this year happens to be 1915 ..."

"I don't care. I stopped aging eight years ago, remember? How else do you think I look so damn young?!" Clara stood up, her hands in fists.

"I always thought it was because you wore a lot of makeup." Mustang chuckled.

"Do you want me to murder you?" Clara asked coldly.

"Should we get Major Armstrong before she attacks us?" Drew whispered to Aiden.

"Yes. He seems to be the only one here that can stand a couple attacks from her!" Aiden hissed back.

"Are you kidding? She took him down a week ago in two seconds!" Drew countered.

"And what the hell are you two whispering about?"

The two froze up. "Uh ... Nothing!" Drew panicked.

"Right. And I'm actually the Fuhrer in disguise." Clara grabbed them by the arms and hauled them out of the mess hall.

* * *

(A/N): Hey, I actually got the last part while watching Avengers 2 ... Yeah, my mind tends to wander during the boring scenes. (Even in action movies)

It's been a little while since I did an update, and even longer since I did a double update! You guys are such lucky people reader ... slaves ...

I've been working on this idea for Golden Sun (great game, btw.) and I just got this idea for an awesome crossover with it! Oh, Truth ... nobody can stop me! (evil laugh)


	7. Author's Note

Due to my inactivity and loss of motivation, I've discontinued this story here. **However!** I will be reviving and reworking it on Deviantart under the same username. ... Just not right now. (Maybe once the Christmas Season is over)

~MLA


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